Why Emotional Intelligence Matters in the Teenage Years
Emotional intelligence is not a new concept. It’s been here forever and most adults are aware of it. Research in the field suggests that people who are emotionally intelligent, set their goals and are optimistic to achieve them. This means that a students who has a high level of EI, will perform better academically also.
A teenager is dealing with emotions in a very different way than we did at their age. So let’s first define EI and then we shall equip you with strategies to help your teenager manage his/her emotions effectively.
According to Salovey and Mayer (1990) emotional Intelligence is defined as,
“The ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.”
To explain it to your teenager in simple words and visually, you can use the image below:
Now this sounds easy, doesn’t it? So why is it so difficult for today’s teenager to comprehend it? Well, in today’s era a 13 year old has many challenges. Due to the usage of internet from a young age, children are maturing faster. Their lives are influenced by their online activities. Looking good for a teenager is not simply about purchasing a new dress. It’s about getting your best pose on your instagram feed, who commented on it, how many likes they got and so on.
Especially girls go through depression and/or anxiety when they do not see likes on their posts. A single negative comment on their picture can affect them profoundly. Cyber bullying is yet another issue that affects their emotions adversely.
Thus dealing with numerous issues at such a tender age, when the child is going through many other changes, can impact how they handle emotions such as anger, sadness, frustration etc.
A higher level of emotional intelligence enables us to attain qualities like empathy, effective communication, self-awareness and social awareness. Academic Intelligence alone does not guarantee a prosperous life. One may be a high achiever but socially incompetent. On the other hand an average student may end up living a happy and fulfilled life because he/she is emotionally intelligent.
So how do children become emotionally intelligent?
There are many strategies that we can teach our teenagers to become emotionally intelligent. Here are a few ways you can help your child at home:
Two-way Communication
In Steven Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one habit that is highly encouraged is, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” If you are a good listener and you can acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings and emotions, then you are half way there. Once you gain their confidence via active listening, you will become a friend and your child will listen to what you have to say to him/her. So ensure open and comfortable conversations where a teenager feels he/she is being heard and not being judged.
Role Modeling
Children learn more quickly by observation. If you have lost your temper in front of your child (which is normal because we are all humans and have to face ups and downs), try to talk it out with your child at a later time when you are calmer. Let him/her know that it was not the best way to handle the situation but that you are only a human and you made a mistake.
Teach them to be kind to others and even to themselves. For instance, how you treat your domestic help is something they will learn from a young age, your patience level with the elderly is being observed by them and/or how you deal with an aggressive stranger in the market are all part of their learning of social skills.
Small gestures like giving a helping hand to an old lady in a grocery store can teach them to be emotionally sensitive towards vulnerable people.
Self-Awareness
Becoming aware of our thoughts can help us deal with negative self-talk. Children should be taught to become more aware of their thought patterns and replace negative ones with more positive ones. This can of great help to handle challenges like exam stress. An example:
| Negative thought | Replace it with positive thoughts |
| I can never do math | I can take some extra classes to improve my math
I can ask a friend to help me with algebra I need to tell mom/dad about my problems in multiplication and division |
Yoga Breathing Exercises
As a teenager, one may feel overwhelmed with feelings and emotions. “There is a test coming up, a pimple is on its way and I recently had a fight with my best friend” can be some of the thoughts of a normal teenager. You can help your teenager manage these emotions with the help of yoga breathing exercises. These exercises are easy and can be done at any time. A simple breath in and out just before their exam while sitting in the classroom, can help them relax and slow down a fast heart rate.
EI at Schola Nova
Schola Nova goes an extra mile to ensure our students are emotionally strong. We work as a team to explore latest means to help children cope with their emotions. We believe that a happy and emotionally stable child will perform well while a stressed and overly worried child will not be able to give his/her best shot.
Sign Language is part of our curriculum and the purpose is to encourage compassion amongst our students. We introduce this program around the age of 12. Hence just before their teen years, they are exposed to a whole new world. They realize how fortunate they are and develop sensitivity towards people who have any kind of disability. It also nurtures patience and the ability to communicate without words.
Sports, arts, music and dramatics are all means of expressing yourself. These extra-curricular activities are also aimed at supporting our students in terms of regulating their thoughts and emotions. Our drama festivals are carefully crafted keeping in mind moral values that need to be taught in a more creative manner outside the classroom.
If you feel your teenager at Schola Nova is going through a difficult time and cannot cope with normal life activities due to his/her emotional instability, feel free to contact us. Our in-house counselor can collaborate with you to find the best possible way to support your child.
We are committed to academic excellence,
but our students’ emotional health is our first priority.
Written By Romana Ibrahim
-Co founder www.educations.pk
-Visiting teacher (Character Building) at PSI
-Visiting teacher at Schola Nova
-Co host at Wee Matter (mental wellbeing and self care platform)
Sources:
Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Components and Examples
Teaching Emotional Intelligence to Teens and Students
